my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So vagazzling was a success
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
