I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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