I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
