I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
