somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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