Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
