just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
