Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
