Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
