dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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