He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
