My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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