I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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