I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
