Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i think my mom watched the whole time
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
