Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
