YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
