ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
