Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
