Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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