Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
