so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
