i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
