He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize