All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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