The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
