We got so high we made milksteak
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
