u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
