Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
