when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
