So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
