Screwed.edu
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
