So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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