im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
