I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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