Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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