I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
