Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize