you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
