PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
