I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
