There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
