i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
