Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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