I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
