I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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