We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Boobs speak an international language.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
