he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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