At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
