i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
