I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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