so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
