I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
