i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
