Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
