please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
