Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize