perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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