Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
last night I used snow as a chaser
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
