Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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