I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
