Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
