I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
