And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
