Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it's like iHOP with fire
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize