How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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